Frustration

One of the things I know now in my old age (ooh, an excuse to use that tag!) that I wish I could impart to a younger version of myself is that it's not really a good thing to get fixated on one woman that I'm interested in (assuming you're not actually in a relationship, that is). You can wind up coming on too strong or looking desperate or both, plus if/when that one woman decides she's not interested, it's more of a psychological blow to you if she's the only woman you've been pursuing. (Sorry about the mixed first and second person, but I'm too lazy to clean it up.)

This is all to explain that while I do still dig Airport Girl, in the meantime I decided take another crack at something I've pursued before: Craigslist personals. (While I have no problem with the concept of meeting people online - it certainly worked out well for my sister - I'm not really willing to spend money on Match or JDate or what have you. Thus, Craigslist.) Despite my conceptual problem with the Craigslist dynamic - more on this in a moment - every few months I'll jump on there and see what happens. Nothing major has come of it, but I've gone on a few dates with women I've met there... no harm done, at any rate.

Now, here's the thing about "the Craigslist dynamic," though. There seem to be a whole shitload of guys on there compared to the number of women. (Sounds like most of the bars I like, but let me continue.) Therefore, as I understand it, when women post a personal ad they get inundated with responses. Like, hundreds, even. (I'm not a woman, nor have I ever posed as one to test this out, but that's the impression I have.) They then filter out responses without pictures attached, and presumably also responses where guys have sent pictures of their wangs, although I suppose some women like that. Then they look at what's left and they pick the most attractive guys out of the bunch. Maybe they meet some of the guys, maybe not, but here's the thing. These hot guys that they decide to respond to are all assholes. Why? Because they can afford to be. So maybe the women talk to the guys and realize that they're assholes right away, or maybe they meet up with the guys and realize that the guys just want to hump their leg. (Figuratively speaking.) Eventually, though, they're left with the impression, "What's wrong with these guys. They're a bunch of dickheads." Then they go back online and post again and complain about all the assholes they met, but they don't change their course of action and so they meet MORE assholes, and the cycle repeats itself. Don't you love vicious cycles?

So, to get around this, I'd rather post my own ad. When I write something, it tends toward verbosity (as I'm sure you may already have guessed). Also, in the interest of full disclosure I try to be up front about the fact that I'm not winning any beauty contests. I may as well save myself the time it'd take to interact with a "tall, hot guy in great shape" (to paraphrase a lot of women's ads) - they're not going to be interested in me, and I'm probably not going to be interested in them either. As a result, maybe I won't get any responses, maybe I'll get a couple.
Well, last week I wrote an ad, and received one response. Pretty typical, as I said - I've come to accept that I'm not really what most women are looking for. The response was from an age-appropriate and reasonably intelligent woman - let's call her Craigslist Girl 1, or CG1 for short - who seemed friendly enough. CG1 and I exchanged emails for a few days, pretty standard getting-to-know-you, hey-what'd-you-do-this-weekend-that-sounds-fun kind of stuff. Eventually we decided to exchange pictures and then maybe meet up for a drink. She sends me hers, I write back with mine, and... nothing.

Now, this raises two separate issues for me. The first, and more theoretical, is: Where's the courtesy? Is it too much effort to say, "Sorry, you seem like a nice guy but you're not my type."?

The second, and more personal, is: What the hell? I mean, I'm a friendly enough guy. Some of the jokes and comments I make are amusing. I didn't say anything that would creep her out or piss her off. So... what, am I so unattractive that I just drive women away? And not just "women" generally, but women who've responded to a personal ad that's up-front about the fact that I'm fairly unremarkable-looking? I'd prefer not to have to make that inference, but I'm not really sure what else to conclude. And it's rather frustrating.

So if you're one of the people to whom I sent an IM complaining about women recently, this is probably why.

Neon Bible

I went to the Arcade Fire concert at Radio City tonight. Great show, great venue (I'd never been there before). They're one of those groups who seem like they're having so much fun up there performing, and that kind of energy and enthusiasm helps to get the crowd into the show too. It's also impressive that there are ten people (by my count) up there performing and they're all DOING something at any given time. Nobody's just kinda standing there and waiting for their turn to play. It makes for some really rich, deep music.


The lead singer of the band, a few times during the show, encouraged the people whose seats were further back to kinda move on down towards the front and just kinda stand in the aisles. (At one point he hoked that the security staff must hate him for that.) I happened to have an aisle seat, so at some point during the show this other dude who was filing down towards the front on the singer's instructions wound up standing next to me, and kinda intruded on my personal space. And then I realized, "wow, when did I start worrying about having personal space when I'm at a concert?" (I dunno, maybe that was just because it was a dude, though.) Anyway, I guess maybe that's another sign I'm getting old.

Really?

I'm going to a college classmate's 30th birthday party tomorrow.

Fuck, we're getting old.

2007.

I'm going to turn 30 this year. Not until December, yeah, but it still feels... impending, you know? When my father turned 30, he was married. 20 months later, I was born. Two years or so later, he and my mom had bought the house in the suburbs.

Now, I'm not my father, and as much as I look up to him, I'm perfectly fine with not living his life. And I know that people these days are doing all that stuff older than they did in previous generations, yadda yadda yadda. But still, as a point of comparison, it makes me feel like I'm not really accomplishing anything. I know that sounds weird and vague, but there it is.

Anyway, that's only partially, tangentially related to what this is actually (maybe going to be) all about. See, going hand in hand with the fact that I'm pushing 30, many of my good friends are at the same point in life. Many, in fact, are engaged, married, or even (in a few cases) having kids already. And that, (probably non-existent) readers, is the source of much of my consternation. (Did I spell that right?)

I don't really know what I'm doing wrong. I mean, in a broader sense, yeah, more self-confidence, lose some weight, yeah, that's the easy stuff. But I swear, I must've missed the day in middle school where they teach you how to interact with the opposite sex on a more-than-friends level. Because I just do not know how.

So, I suppose this is going to be a chronicle of my quest to figure out how, though later in life than I should be doing so, and any other interesting stuff that might happen along the way.